the spark alive
the spark alive
DONNA DAWSON’S VIEW
Ten tips for keeping the spark alive in a relationship
Couples often forget that their relationship requires some input and work on a regular basis, just like any other important area of their lives. After the first flush of infatuation has subsided and a relationship has settled into day-to-day living, it is easy to take each other for granted.
Pressures such as work stress, looking after children or relatives, and financial worries can take their toll. Also, dissatisfaction, secret hurts and even boredom can erode the foundations of a relationship if left to fester.
Before you give up on your present situation and begin thinking about looking elsewhere for happiness, consider whether the following ten tips could help re-vitalise a flagging relationship…
Some of these tips will appear very obvious, but it is the actual DOING of them on a regular basis that is critical: –
1. Really talk to each other
Your partner can’t read your mind, even though you think he/she should be able to! Plan a time to chat each week when you are both relaxed and not dealing with children, work pressures, stress or exhaustion.
That could be a tall order in itself! Get round to asking how they feel the relationship is going, and if he/she has any concerns about it.
2. Verbalise your thoughts in a positive way
Rather than beginning sentences with “You Always…”, “You Never…”, which make your language sound accusatory, try “I feel that…”, as your own feelings are always going to be valid.
3. Share at least one activity a week
Relationships that share activities, whether the gym, hobby or any other interest, STAY together.
4. Have a date at least once a week
Get away from the house together to your favourite pub, wine bar or restaurant, and leave your cares at home.
Reclaim those feelings that attracted you both to each other in the first place – for example, by talking about how you first met and dated.
5. Have a good laugh
A shared sense of humour is one of the glues that keep relationships together. Remind each other of any in-jokes that the two of you share.
6. Bond through adrenaline
Having an adventure, a close encounter with Nature, watching a scary film or attending an exciting concert will arouse our nervous systems and help us to feel closer emotionally.
7. Keep physical touching alive
Whether it’s hugging, hand-holding, neck-rubbing, play-wrestling or massage, the act of touching produces those ‘feelgood’ chemicals that increase affection for each other.
8. See your partner through the eyes of others
It’s easy to take each other for granted after a while together. There’s nothing like seeing him in a photo with an old girlfriend/boyfriend, or talking to his /her best friend or family member to remember what sterling qualities your partner possesses.
9. Plan sex
It may sound unromantic, but getting a date in the diary will mean that it will actually happen.
10. Create the right atmosphere for sex
Keep your bedroom looking inviting; no clothes dumped on the bed, please! Items such as candles, cushions, soft music and a luxurious throw will all help to get you in the mood.