The four negative horsemen of hindsight.
The four negative horsemen of hindsight.
DONNA DAWSON’S VIEW
The hell of hindsight
‘Hindsight’ is when you look back on a situation with knowledge that you didn’t have at the time, which causes you to re-judge the situation and your resulting actions.
This should lead to positive lessons learned and the ability to move on.
However, most of us have a negative judgemental voice in our heads that can easily take over (Freud called it the ‘Superego’). It continually states, “You “should have said this”, “You shouldn’t have said that”; “You should have done this”, “You shouldn’t have done that”.
And depending on how tough and repetitive this inner voice is, it can bring you down, erode your self-confidence, and lead to guilt and regret, shame and depression.
Guilt. Regret. Shame. Depression.
The Four Negative Horsemen of Hindsight
Here’s what you can do about it: –
Interrupt the Voice:
Don’t let it rattle on in a vicious circle in the background. When you hear it, stop and take a mental step back.
Be consciously aware of what this voice is saying to you, but in a neutral way, devoid of emotional angst.
Talk back to it:
Give positive reasons to yourself for every negative comment: You didn’t know then what you know now; you did your best with the information that you had at the time, and so on.
Fight back, and that Patronising Voice gets smaller.
Face up to the Past:
Realise where your inner voice came from: were you often blamed for things by your parents while growing up? Did they expect you to take on more responsibility than you could cope with? What part did your schooling, work experience and society in general helped contribute to an innate sense of guilt?
Is your personality that of a Perfectionist? If so, you will never be happy when looking back at past actions, as they may make you feel ashamed or sad. Understanding how and when your inner negative voice developed will help you to control it better.
Forgive yourself:
Even if you truly regret your part in a past trauma/drama/ situation, focus on what you learned from the situation as a positive lesson to take forward.
Forgive yourself for being human, and move on.
Learn to love yourself:
Imperfections and all. Perhaps the hardest thing to do in today’s society is to separate self-love and self-respect from plain old Ego. Remind yourself occasionally of the good things that you have accomplished so far in life, as we often take them for granted or forget them.
Tell yourself that you will never be perfect in every situation, but that you will always try your best. And that should be enough for any person to undertake, and enough to keep ‘Hindsight’ in its rightful place.